Just Another Day?

As I have been cleaning up from Kiefer's party and now sitting here enjoying a piece of birthday cake I've gotten to thinking about my own birthday.  Normally I don't even acknowledge my birthday and it's mainly because I don't like all the extra attention that is usually included with the day.  The last few years I've also felt that my birthday is nothing to really celebrate either.  By this I mean I don't feel I've accomplished anything with my life nor do I have a clue what I want to accomplish so why would I want to celebrate getting another year closer to death with nothing to show for it?  I know real optimistic way to look at things but honestly that's just how things are lately.  I have no ambition to do anything - my house (well technically it's not my house) is a wreck and I don't even have the ambition to work in my craft room; I just plainly have no ambition for life or living lately.  There was one day last week I stayed in my pajamas until noon - I don't do that unless I'm really sick and even then I don't usually do that.  It seems to be getting worse and I just don't know what to do.  Anyway back to birthdays - yesterday was Kiefer's birthday and watching him have fun at his party was awesome! He even wanted his friends to sing happy birthday to him which is usually unheard of - he's an awful lot like his mother a lot of the time. It was neat seeing him happy and celebrating his day and I was thinking about it and I'm not sure I ever felt like that on my birthdays - as a kid I remember having one birthday party and hating it.  Today Alex came home for lunch and told me has a meeting on my birthday which doesn't really bother me because it's just another day right?  I do think it bothered Alex that it was a meeting he can't change or get out of so he knows he'll be stuck at the church until who knows when that night but oh well it's just part of life - it's just an ordinary day.