Slowing down

Well Christmas and New Year's is over so now maybe things can slow back down for a little bit.  Although this weekend we have Kiefer's birthday party so that will mean more chaos.  Believe me I haven't been absent for the fact that I haven't had thoughts running through my head it's more that I was busy working on Christmas presents and then birthday party invitations.

Alex preached yesterday and he brought it up in his sermon about starting to reflect back on our time here and the tears just started streaming down my face - I really don't want to leave.  I'm really tired of moving - I'm ready for a permanent place to live.  I don't want to go back to Columbus either, I don't fit in there (not sure I fit in here either) I don't exists to most of the parents at Cassingham and I'm not looking forward to moving back into seminary housing.  It means cramped space, headaches everyday, and being around people that I don't really want to be around.  There are a couple families that are there that I do miss though so it will be nice to see them again.  I've also been thinking we're moving back that means my Sunday mornings will once again become days of depression because there is no place to worship.  I'm tired of trying to find a church in that town that works for us (well me everyone else seemed to like the last one we were at but I didn't like the pastor at all), so it will be a year away from the church which will probably mean my faith will once again be lost - well the little I have.

I've recently decided the Bible is a bunch of crap - no one can tell me why things are the way they are in it and no one can really prove that any of it happened or that any of these people existed. From what I'm gathering it's all a bunch of so and so said well we've all played the telephone game and we all know how much things change when they're told from one person the next so who's to say the Bible isn't the same way?

I've been thinking about when we're forced to leave here and trying to decide when I'll draw back from church - I have to, I hate goodbyes and seems how I made friends here - which I did not want to do I will have those dreaded goodbyes.  Right now I love Sunday mornings because I get random hugs from people and I love it - when we started going to church the pastor (who is now a good friend) would always give me a hug when we'd leave the sanctuary - then him and his wife would give me hugs just about everytime we saw them - I miss that.  My husband is not a hugger (but he's getting better) so I love it when I get hugs.

We were originally planning a trip to Texas next month so we could see our friends whom I miss dearly but I've had this reoccurring dream that somewhere in AL or MS (not sure which) we get in a horrible car accident and Emali and I are air lifted to the hospital.  So needless to say that plus the fact that we weren't sure we'd survive 19 hours in a car with our kids (especially seems how Kiefer gets car sick) has put a big halt on that trip. Plus some of the money that we were going to use for gas and stuff on the way there and back we really need to use for our deposit & first months rent for when we are forced to move back to Bexley so everything seems to just be adding against that trip.

It's 2011 and I'm already ready for it to be 2012 is that bad?  I guess I just want to not have to think about packing and unpacking - I can't wait until my husband has a call (preferably in NE Ohio!) so he can be working and we can have a permanent residence - I really think he'll make an awesome pastor and I'm not sure if he's decided yet if he wants to go into the parish or into chaplaincy but honestly I think he'd be WONDERFUL in the parish serving a congregation as a Pastor or even as an Associate Pastor at someplace like LOL - he has the skills, the knowledge, and the drive to serve in a parish and I'd love to see him thrive in it.  I love him and I'm supporting him through this process no matter what!