Confused, Uncertain, Discombobulated

This is me in a nut shell: abashed, addled, at a loss, at sea, at sixes and sevens, baffled, befuddled, bewildered, come apart, dazed, discombobulated*, disconcerted, disorganized, distracted, flummoxed, flustered, fouled up, glassy-eyed, gone*, misled, mixed up, muddled, nonplussed, not with it, out to lunch, perplexed, perturbed, punch-drunk, punchy, puzzled, screwy, shook up, shot to pieces, slaphappy, spaced out, stumped, taken aback, thrown, thrown off balance, unglued, unscrewed, unzipped

I am writing this today while I'm trying to figure out what I want to do, I have went to 4 different classes, 1 was not too bad, 2 I really didn't like, and 1 is not what I thought it would be at all. Yesterday wasn't too bad as far as feeling like I fit but today was a whole nother story I really felt old and out of place. I'm just not sure going back to school is something I really want to do now that I've tried. I'm not looking for the easy way out either - part of it is just all of my uncertainty adding up inside of me. I really don't want to finish my psychology degree as I just don't find the classes I want to take interesting at all and if they're not interesting I'm thinking it's going to be hard to go. I don't know for sure if I want to pursue a Religion degree as most of the kids (yes they all seem like kids to me) have been to church all their lives and most even went to a religious school. I already completely rearranged my schedule once to drop my Social Psychology class and now I can't stand my Tuesday/Thursday classes so I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking about starting my own business somehow for making invitations, banners, and canvases (which I'm hoping to try soon). I do know that Mary Kay is not something that interests me anymore. I'm just thinking that maybe getting a job to help get Alex through school (unless I could get a business going) would be the way to go and then when he gets called to a church I can pursue a job as and education coordinator in a church or become a church secretary - honestly those are the only things that interest me and I'm thinking is a degree really necessary for that type of job? I was already a church secretary for 3 years & in charge of Sunday School & VBS for 2 years so I'm thinking that maybe I just don't need a degree. Honestly the only reason I was pursuing a degree was because I thought it would make me feel like less of a loser to myself but guess what, I don't care anymore! I just want to be happy is that really too much to ask? I'm just thinking now that school is a mistake and that void I've been feeling in my life is not the unfulfilled degree - the void is because I know I have a church calling and I'm not sure what to do about it. I have also noticed that doing homework is going to be impossible as I can't do it when the kids are around and I really feel that I should be doing the dishes, cooking meals, keeping the house clean, and helping the kids with their homework as we are here for Alex's education. I fully support him in his decision to make the move here to attend Trinity, I love Bexley (well some of the people might not be real nice) and I love living in a suburb of a big city - I have definitely found I'm a city girl. So today I'm filled with a lot of uncertainty and I don't really know what to do about it.