well I was fine because I didn't know the horrific news yet. My
grandma passed away - it was completely unexpected. She was determined
to live to be 106 znd we really thought zhe was stubborn enough to do
it. She got jipped out of 20 years.
As I type this, the tears are starting to flow because I still can't
quite believe it. Nor do I want to believe it. We were trying to
figure out how to see her when we go to michigan to have Christmas
with alex's parents. We haven't seen her since June 2008 when we had a
going away party because we were moving to Ohio and now we won't get
to see her.
We didn't go to the funeral, that was my choice. For one traveling in
the winter makes me sick to my stomach, I wasn't ready to see my aunt
jeanie yet (she's very special to me & I just can't imagine as she's
the one that found grandma), and I just plainly don't handle funerals
well. I talked to emali & she didn't want to go - if she would have
wanted to we would have.
When emali found out she really sobbed as great gram had a special
place in her heart. I can still hear emali's words she said wo me
Tuesday night "at least she is with great-grandpa and her mom and dad
now".
Maybe that's why I can't deal with funerals - people always say it's a
way to say goodbye - well to me it's just their body, their soul is
already in heaven.
The amount of guilt I feel right now is very heavy. I should have
write her letters more or even tried to call her even though she
couldn't really hear me. Now she gone and I can't try go be a better
granddaughter. I just hope she has forgiven me & that I'll eventually
be able to forgive myself.
Tuesday we're supposed to head to Michigan and I can't get on the mood
to go. I'm finding that being alone (even from my own family is
rather enjoyable). Tonight emali is spending the night at a neighbors
& kiefer is not dealing with her being gone I think he is the opposite
of me, he wants us all to be together. He hasn't reactted that much to
the news but he tends to just get really quite and/or really mean when
he's sad.
So for now I'm going to end.
RIP Jessie Marie Howard you were very loved.
From the Petoskey News Review 12/24/09
Jessie M. Howard, 86, of Boyne City and formerly of East Jordan, died Tuesday, Dec. 22, 2009, at her home.
She was born on Aug. 18, 1923, in Alden, Mich., the daughter of R.M. and Carrie Sutton.
On Nov. 15, 1941, she married Harry G. Howard Sr. in Boyne City. He preceded her in death on Jan. 18, 1998.
Jessie worked many jobs including housekeeping at hotels and seasonal cabins as well as at the East Jordan Canning Factory. She loved reading, knitting, making fudge and playing any type of card games. She was an avid fan of Detroit Tiger Baseball.
Jessie is survived by one son, Harry G. (Shirley) Howard Jr., of Weidman; two daughters, Louise (Jim) Bradley of Charlotte, and Jeanie (Bruce) Nelson of Boyne City; five granddaughters, Kim (Mike) Kessler of Kalamazoo, Kelly (Carlos) Garcia of Orlando, Fla., Teresa Adkins of Charlotte, Krista (Tim) McNeill of Weidman and Tina (Alex) Steward of Columbus, Ohio; five great-grandchildren, Michaela, Emaline, Kiefer, Alyssa and Peyton; and many nieces and nephews. She was also preceded in death by her infant daughter, Carol Jean; infant son, Joey; her parents, brothers and sisters.
The funeral service will be 2 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 27, at the Lighthouse Missionary Church in East Jordan. The Rev. James L. Jordan will officiate with interment following in the spring at Maple Lawn Cemetery in Boyne City.
The family will receive friends 2-4 p.m. and 6-8 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 26, at the Penzien Funeral Homes, Inc. in East Jordan.
Memorials may be given to American Diabetes Association, P.O. Box 11454, Alexandria, Va. 22312.
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