Well, yesterday was a pretty good day. I actually ran an errand on my own and then Alex and I ran to the store after he got home from work so that means I went out twice and it wasn't Friday or Sunday which are normally the only days I leave the house. Monday I took a big step again. I decided to reach out again, but this time it was a good step. I reached out to a friend who works in a church and I found out that someone does care! My last attempt (other than to a friend in Texas) to reach out for help actually sent me deeper into my funk (I don't like the word depression) because nothing happened which in turn made me feel like no one cares.
Monday night I spent at least an hour talking to this friend and they made me realize some things that I hadn't really thought about before. So it was really good and just knowing someone cares was nice (other than Alex because I know he cares!). Alex said he was happy that I was talking to someone because he knows it's hard for me to talk to him.
Today on the other hand is another crappy day. Last night Alex and I were watching tv and I just started crying I really didn't know why - I just start sometimes because I just have so much built up inside. Then today he went to leave for work and I was in bed I really wanted to stay there all day but the look Alex gave me when he was leaving made me get up. Granted I have not done anything today but I got up. I just hope that he continues to be as strong as he has been in dealing with my funk - he is my rock and he keeps me going.
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